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THE COWBOY AND THE BABY- 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 
By Dr. Albert Carr. 



THE COWBOY 
AND THE BABY. 

A Farce in one act. 
By Dr. Albert Oarr. 



Copyright, 1912 by Albert Carr. 
All rights reserved. 

CAUTION. The presentation of this farco for 
profit without the permission of it's proprietor 
is strictly forbidden. Managers desiring to 
produce this farce are respectfully requested 
to communicato with the author. 



HILL CITY S. D. 
1912 



. -y 



CAST OP CHARACTERS. 

TOM JONES. A cowboy. Foreman ot 
the lazy S ranch. 

JOHN WATSON. From up country. 

SAM BARKER. Luneb-counter boy. 

TICKET AGENT. 

POLICEMAN. 

GUARD. 

MARY WATSON. Daughter of John 

Watson. A young 

lady studying music 

at a conservatory. 

SUSANNA WATSON. Wife of Joho 

and mother of 

Mary. 

WOMAN. The mother of the baby. 



'A.\ Uiy ^Sr C/^ 



TMP92-008804 
©CI.D 28515 



^ THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



ACT I. 

SCENE. Inside a depot. Ticket 
office, i?. Lunch counter, L. Double 
door to tram in flat, L. Seats 
against flat, R. 

Guard discovered at double 
door in flat^ L. 

Guard. Westbound train, a-a-a-a-U 
aboard ! 

^Locomotive bell rings outside^ rear. 
Puffinu and moving of train out- 
side, rear. Exit Guard at double 
door in flat, L 

Enter Mary Watson, L. She 
hurries to ticket office, R. 

Mary. {To Ticket Agent.) Can you 
tell me, bow soon tbe t^astbound train 
will be here? 

Ticket Agent. It is an hour late. 

Mary. An hour late! Oh, dearl A 
whole hour late? 

Ticket Agent. A whole hour. 



4 THE COWBOY AND THfi BABY. 

[^Agent retires from window and 
Mary to H.C. 
Mary. Papa and mama are coming on 
rhe easlbound train. I hurried so to 
get here in time to meet them, and — Oh, 
dear!— the horrid train le an hour late. 
J'll have to sit around here for a whole 
weiry hour. I want to tee papa and 
mama so bad. 1 haven't seen them for 
a whole long year. I will be glad when 
I get through with my music, and can 
stay at Home with mama. 

Enter Woman with baby, L. 
Only n'om>/M with baby and 
Mary visible in depot. 

Woman. {Approaching Mary.) My 
dear, young womRn, i have lost my 
pocket- V^ooU. I just bought some pins 
at a slorf. above here, and I know, I 
dropped my pocket-book there. Will 
you please hold my baby while I run 
back and eee if I can find it. 

Mary. Indeed, I will, 

[Mary takes baby. 

Woman. What is your name? 

Mary. Mary Watson. 

[Looks at baby. 
What a sweet baby! I like babies but I 
don't know much about taking care 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 5 

of them. Hurry back. The baby may 
cry. 

Woman. Here's Ihe bottle. 

[Gives Mary nursing-bottle. 
If the baby cries, give it the bottle. 
You know how to do that. 

Mary. {Sinilinq) I guess, I do. 
Woman. I'll hurry back. 

[Exit, L. 
Mary. You dear little thing! Oo 
dot pooty boo eyes. 

[Sits down with baby in seat^ R. 
Pets and fondles it. 
Oo's so tunning! ^So tunning! 

Enter Tom Jones, L. He 
crosses to ticket ojfice. 

Tom. {To Agent.) How's the east 
bound train? 
Ticket Agent, l^ate. 
Tom. How much? 
Ticket Agent. About an hour. 

[Agent retires from ticket office; 
Tom to C. 
Tom. {Looking at watch.) I've got 
oodles of time. I believe, I'll eat a bitt> 
while I'm wailing for the train. 

[Goes to lunch-counter, L^ 
Hello, there! 

[Pounds on counter 



6 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 

Enter Sam Barker behind 
lunch-counter, yawning. 

Takio' a nap? 

Sfim. No. — I get a little drowsy 
when thioes get qui^t. 

Toin. What you got? 

Sam. Pie, sandwiches, fruit, coffee. 

Tom. Give ma a pie and a cup of 
coffee. 

Sara. A whole pie? 

Tool, Yes. I reckon a whole pi© 
won't kill rae. 

[Sam sets pie and coffee before 
Tom. 

Sam. Any tubing else? 

Tom. Not at present. 

[Glances at Sam. 
Say, young feller, didn't [ see you out 
on the range? 

Sam. Where you from? 

Tom. The lazy S ranch. 

Sam. I U39d to work for the Box X. 

Tom. That's about eighteen miles 
from the lazy S. 

Sam. I think I remember you. 
You're the foreman of the lazy S. 

Tom. That's me. 

Sam. Your name is— is— is— I'll get 
it — Tom Jones, 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 7 

Tom. You got it., eon. Shake! 

[They shake hands over counter. 
I thought I knew you. Your name is 
II Barker. 

Sam. Yes; Sam Barker. 
Tom. That's it. I knew I knowed 
you. 

{Sits down on stool at lunch- 
counter, 
Sam, Where you goin'? 
Tom, To Omaha. 



This is apple pie, ain't it? 
Sam. Yes. 
Tom. I thought it was. 



[Eats. 



[Eats. 



How long you been workin' here? 
xSam. About three years. 

Tom. You like it? 

Sam. Yes, I guees so. It's pritty 
confinin', 

Tom. I'd hate like the devil to be 
confined. 

[Eats. Baby cries. Mary quiets it. 
You remember Bill Saunders, that feller 
that got his leg broke at Thompson's 
corral? 

Sam. You bet I do! I saw him when 
the horse throwed him. 

Tom. Well, he's married. 



8 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 

[Eats. 
Sam. Is that so! Who did he marry? 
Tom. One of those half-breed girls 
down on Bull creek. 

[Baby cries. Mary buisy. 
Sam. What became of Bill Parker? 
Tom. Bill took a ranch down near 
Bad-water Springs. He married Sally 
Beeler. Y''ou remember her? 

[Euts. 
Sam. Sure, 1 remember her. I used 
tD go with her. 
Tom. She was a wild kazoo. 
Sam. Sally was all right if she'd let 
booze alone. 

Tom. {Mouth full.) But she won't 
let it alone. Well, you can't blame her: 
the water's tumble bad down in that 
country. 

[Euts, and drinks coffee. Baby cries. 
Mary quiets it. Rises with baby in 
her arms. 
Mary. I dqn't see why that woman 
doesn't ct)me, 

[Walks up and down, R. with baby 

Tom. I'll take another cup of coffee. 

[Sam gets coffee. 

I've got to wait an hour, and I don't 

know of anything else to do to pass the 

time away but to eat. 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 9 

Eflter Policeman, L. 

Mary, y To Policeman.) Did you see a 
woman? 

Polioeman. What woman? 

Mary. A woman hunting for a 
pocket-book. 

Policeman. Yes, ma'am, I've seen 
quite a number of them in ray time. 
~ Mary. 1 mean that woman who went 
out of here. ^ 

Policeman. I haven't noticed any 
woman in particular going out of here. 

Mary. Well, she left her baby with 
me, and said she would be right back. 

Policeman. {Looking sharply at 
Mary.) Isn't that your baby? 

Mary. Oh, no! It is the woman's. 

Policeman. Well, for the present it 
is yours. 

[ Walks away from her toioards, L. 
Turns; looks at her, theiir-Exit, L. 

Mary. I do wish that woman would 
come! 

[Sits down, R. Busy icith baby. 

Tom. Give me a couple o' sand- 
wiches. 

\Sam gets him sandwiches. 
You remember that Big long horned 
steer that Pike Wilson had? 



10 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 

Sam. You bet! _ 

Tom. We'll, he gored a hoe:, and 
chased that Digger of Parker' s more'n 
a mile. They had to shoot him. 

Sam. What, the nigger? 

Tom. No, the steer. 

Sam. He was a ring-snorter. 

Tom. He wasn't any good, anyway. 
He run all the meat off his bones. 

[Baby cries. Takes Mary quite 
awhile to pacify it. 

Sam. (Aside to Tom.) 1 wonder 
what's the matter with that kid! 

ITom looks around at Mary. Has 
mouthful of pie. 

Tom. (Aside to Sam.) That's a blame 
yoong woman to be ownin' a kid. 

Sam. (Aside to Tom) Maybe she's 
going homo to mama. 

Tom. (Aside to Sam, laughing.) 
Mama's the right one to go to. 

Mary. (Rising vHih baby in her 
arms) Really, I do,n't know v\hat I will 
do! That woman doesn't come, and ihis 
child cries just terrible. Maybe I can 
leave it in the ticket office with the 
Agent until the mother comes. (To 
Agent at ivindotv.) Mr. Ticket Agent, 
a woman came in here, and left her 
baby with me. I don't know jijst how 



THE COWBQY AND THE BABY. 11 



soon, she will returu. May I not leave 
the baby in your oflPioe until she 
comes? 

Ticket Agent. This is a ticket office, 
not a nursery. 

Mary. But the woman — 

Ticket Agent. I don't know anything 
about the woman. 

Mary. There is a woman, who is the 
baby's mother. 

Ticket Agent. Of course! 

Mary. Well, she left this baby with 
me, and said she would be right back. 

Ticket Agent. Is that so! 

Mury. But she don't come. And 
the bnby cries — 

Ticket Agent. You'll have to excuse 
me. I'm busy. 

( Retires from ticket window. 

Mary. What shall i do! 
[Sits down, R. Baby squalls loudly. 
Mary tries to pacify it. Rises and 
walks with it. Baby quiets down. 
Mary crosses to lunch-counter. 
{To Sum.) Do you check baggage? 

Sam. Yes, ma'am. 

Mary. A woman left this baby with 
me, and I would like to check it until 
she returns. She said, she would be 
right back 



12 TFIE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



Sam. Wrt don't check babies. ' 

Mary. {Retiring to, C.) What shall 
I do! What shall 1 do! 

Tom. {Aside to Sam) Did she want 
to cheick that baby? 

Sam. {Aside to Tom.) Yes. I feuess 
she's dotty. 

Tom. {Aside to Sam.) *lVIaybe she's 
locoed. 

Sam. {Aside to Tom.) I guess so! 

Mary. What if the woman never 
came! It would be awful! I— I — 

[Excited. 
{To Tom.) Oh, sir! won't you please 
hold this baby until its mother returns? 

Tom. What! Ain't you its mother? 

Mary. Gracious, no! 

Tom. Who is its mother, then? 

Mary. (Excitedly.) A woman! A 
woman! 

Tom. There's no doubt about that. 

Mary. The woman who asked me to 
take care of it. 

Tom. Where is the woman? 

Mary. I don't know. 

Tom. Well, I'll be hanged if 1 do, 
either. 

[Mary sniffles. 
You seem to be in a peck of trouble. 

Mary. I am worried to death. Won't 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 13 

you help me? 

Tom. Help you! Well, I should say! 
[Takes out large roll of bills. 
Here's a twecty. 

[Offers her bill. 
Will that help you? 

Mary. I don'l want your money. 

Tom. Then what do you want? 

Mary. I want you to take care of the 
baby. 

[Torn puts bills in pocket. 

Tom. I know how to take care of a 
calf or a coll, but when it comes to 
taking care of a baby, I haven't learnt 
how yei. I never was married. 

Mary. 1 am so worried! Y'ou can 
hold it ju6L a little while. 

Tom. I dunno' whether I can or not. 

Mary. You can try, 

Tom. Yes, 1 can, but I ivonH 

[After a pause. 
Cnn't you tell mo who the mother is? 

Mary. No, I cnnnor. 

Tom. You said, it was a woman. 

Mary. Yes, it was a wonuin. 

Tom. Well, that point is settled. 
Where did the woman come from and 
where is she gone? 

Mary. She went to tind her pocket- 
book. 



L4 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



Tom. What is the woman's name? 

iVJary. I don't know. 

Tom. Well, you've got the baby, and 
you're sure its mother, until you can 
provf it belongs to someone else. 

Mary. I can't prove— but it was a 
woman— Oh, heavens, what will I do! 

Tom. I'm sorry for you. Are you 
hungry? Have a sandwich. 

[Offers her sandwich. 

Mary. 1 shall go crazy! Mama and 
papa are coming on the next train. 

Tom. I see!— You don't want them 
to know about it. 

Mary. Know about what? 

Tom. That \ou yot a baby. 

Mary. I ^ot a baby! 

Tom. I'll hold it for you when they 
come, if you don't want them to catch 
on. 

Mary. This is not my baby. 

Tom. Then whose baby is it? 

Mary. The woman's, 

Tom. It seems then all it needs is a 
father to own it. Ihen it would be all 
right with your folUs. 

Mary. Do you mean to infer that this 
is my baby? 

Tom. Well, if it ain't your baby 
whose baby is it? 



THE COWBOY AI^D THE BABY. 15 



Mary. {Suddenly.) Hold it a moment. 
I feel as if I were going to faint. 

Tona. I'll hold it a moment for you. 
But don't you try to skip out and leave 
the kid with me. I've got a reputation 
at stake. 

Mary. Here, take it quick! 

{^To'm takes baby. 
Oh, heavens, what a relief! 

Tom. I'm afraid, you'll have to take 
it back pritty soon. 

Mary. Come over here, and sit and 
hold it. 

[Points to seat, R. 
Its bottle is there. 

Tom, I never got into a job like this 
before. 

[Crosses to right with baby and sits 
down. 

Mary. Here is the bottle. 

[Gives Tom bottle. 

Tom. Are you married? 

Mary. No— no. 

Tom. What do you su])pose your 
mother will say when she sees this baby? 

Mary. Why, what do you suppose 
she will say? She doesn't know any- 
thing about this baby. 

Tom. Too bad! I'm deuced sorry for 
you. You're a nice young woman 



16 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



I wish, I could do sometbiog to help 
you out of your trouble. 

[Mary starts for L. 
Hold on there! 

[Springs up with baby and bottle. 
Where you going? 

Mary. To look for the woniau. 
Tom. No, you don't! Come back 
here, or I'll come after you. You can't 
play me for no kindergarden. 

Mary. {Returyiing.) Please let me 
go! Please — that's a good fellow! 
Tom. Not on your tin type! 

[Baby squalls. 
What's the matter with it now! 

I Tries to quiet baby. 
Here, take »t. I can't do a thing with 
it. 

Mary. {IVringing hands.) Neither 
can I. 

Tom. (Forcing baby info Mary''s 
arms) Take il! Take it! Take il, or 
I'll ring the fire-alarm. 

[Mary takes baby. Baby quiets 
doii'ii. 
Mary. I want you to understand* 
this is not my baby. 

Tom^ You're caught with the goods, 
and that's agin you. 

[Mary begins to cry. 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 17 

Don't cry! I'll help you somehow. I 
may play a coarse haod, but I play 
square. If we can keep your mother 
from making a scene here in the depot 
until the woman comes, it will be all 
right. (^Aside.) I'd rather she'd wait 
for that woman than me. (Aloud.) I'll 
help you somehow, that's certain. But 
I won't have much time, for I'm going 
out on the train your folks come in on. 
What's your name? 

Mary. Mary Waison. 

Tom. What have you been doing 
here in town? 

Mary. Attending the conservatory of 
music. 

Tom. {Aside.) That's a queer place 
to tind a baby. {Aloud.) How long 
have you been here? 

Mary. A whole year. I haven't seen 
papa and mama for .i year. 

Tom. Well, no matter whose baby 
that is, you don't want your folks to see 
you with it. 

Mary. W^hy, should I care if they 
saw me with it? Ir. is not my baby. 

Tom. What if it isn't! You can,t 
prove it. 

Mary. No, I can not prove it. At 
least, not until the woman comes. 



18 TFIE COWBOY AND TFTB BABY. 



Tom. Very good, but your folks, if 
they arrive before the woman returns^ 
will certainly ask you, whose baby it is. 
And you say, you don't know. — That it 
is a woman's— soreie woman's, that left 
it with you. If the woman doesn't 
come, that won't go wir,h your mother. 

Mary. Oh, horror! I begin to see — 
to see it all. 

Tom. It is sure a bad deal. 

Mary. My mother is very excitable 
and may —Oh, what shall I do! What 
shall I do! * 

Tom. We'll have to do something, 

Mary. Yes, we will have to do 
something. 

Tom. Let me think. 

[Walks around. 
It's a tough case. 

[Baby cries. 

Mary. Oh, dear! 

[Busy with baby. 
Oh, sir, can't you do something for this 
child? 

Tom. {Walking and thinking.) Just 
a moment! 

Mary. Oh, do hurry! 

Tom. I got it! Don't worry! I'll 
help you. Hang to the kid, and leave 
the rest to me. I'll fix everything. I'll 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 19 



pull you out, kid and all. 

Mary. Oh, I am so thankful! 
So-o-o- thankful! 

[Sits in seat right with, baby in lap, 
and gives it bottle. 

Tom. (Aside.) She's a naighty fine 
girl. I'll stand by her. I can't lose, 
even if I lose my reputation. 

Mary, Oh, what shall I do! 

Tom. What's the matter now? 

iVlaiy. There is no milk in the bottle. 

Tom. Give me the bottle. I'll get 
some. 

Mary. Oh, thank you! 

I Gives Tom nursing -bottle. 

Tom. (Aside.) I've had bottles tilled^ 
before, but not this kind. 

[Crosses to lunch-counter. 
(To Sam.) Here, son, fill this bottle 
with milk, 

[Sam takes bottle. 

Sara. (Aside to Tom.) Yov've got a 
job haven't you? 

Tom. (Aside to Sam.) Looks like, I 
got something. 

[Sam (jetting milk. 
(Aside.) If that girl stands pat, I'll fix 
her folks. That kid's a hard deal. I 
may ha\re to lie about the brand. Well, 
if I have to, I'll do it. T'ain't like, I 



20 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



didn't know how, 

Sam. Here's the milk. 

Tom. How much? 

Sam. Twenty five. 

Tom. Good! 

[Takes silver dollar out of pocket. 
How much for the chuck- the pie, the 
coffee, and the sandwiches? 

Sum. Seventy tivo. Altogether, one 
dollar. 

Tom. Here's your money — one wheel. 
[Gives Sam silver dollar. 

Sam. Thank you. 
[Tom takes up bottle and returns 
to Mary- 

Tom. {To Mary.) Here's the milk. 

Mary. {Taking bottle.) You are so 
kind. 

Tom. 1 want to help you all I can. 

[Mary gives baby bottle. 
You had to put it on the bottle, did 
you? 

Mary. {Tearfully.) 1 didn'c have to 
put it on anything. 

Tom. {Aside.) This is a queer game 
sure. I never run into anything like 
this before. {To Mary.) How old is it? 

Mary. I don't know. 

Tom. {Aside.) If that girl's lying, 
she's sure making a good job of it. She 



TflE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 2L 



looks as iDDocent as a oolt in a patck 
o' green-corn catching tbe colic. 
{To Mary.) You don't seem to know 
anything about that baby. 

Mary. Why shoul*3 I? Jt is not my 
baby. 

Tom. No, it's the woman's. 

[Orins. aside. 

Mary. When the woman comes, she 
will tell you all about this baby. 

Tom. She may never come. 
[Mary jumps up with baby in arms. 

Mary. (Excited) Oh, dear! I shall 
go crazy I 

[Baby cries. 
This baby does nothing but cry— cry- 
Tom. Give it the bottle. 
[Mary sits and thrusts nipple of 
bottle in baby^s mouth. 
That's It! It can't suck and bawl at the 
same time. 

Mary, {Aside.) Oh, heavens! 

Tom. It's a bad deal. The ice is 
thin but we'll have to cross. 

Mary. I wish that woman would 
come. 

Tom. So do 1, 

Mary. Maybe she will com* before 
the train. 

Tom. Maybe — {Aside.) not. 



22 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



Mary. If mama and papa come and 
s»e me with this baby, 1 shall die, I 
know I shall. 

Tom. I'll take care of your mother 
and father. I may have to drive the old 
man off the range, and rope and tie the 
old lady. But I'll take care of'm. 
Don't think about 'em for a moment. 
I'll look after them. 

[Whintle of train outside, rear. 

Mary. (Jumping up icith baby.) 
There is Ihe train, now! 

[Engine bell rings outaide, rear. 

Tom. Y'e^, that's the train. 

Mary. {Ec3ilel) T.iko the baby! 
Take the baby! Plea?e do! 

Tom. No, I've got to leave on that 
train. 

Mary. You said you would hold the 
baby when mama and papa came. 

Tom. T did, but I've got another 
scheme. Hang to the kid. I'll fix 
everything. You jest stand pat, and 
I'll tend to the rest. I'll stave the old 
folks off for awhile, anyway. 

[Noise of train entering depot 
outside, rear- 
The train's here. 

[People ivith baggage rush on 
from double door in flat, L. and 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 23 

exeunt, L. 

Eater John Watson and 
Susanna Watson at double 
door in flat^ L. John carries 
two large valises. 

John. {Setting down valises) Where 
is Mary? 

Susauna. There she is, pa. 

John. Where, Susauna? 

iSusanna. {Pointing to ti.) Over 
there, John. 

[Rushes to Mary, R. John grabs up 
valises and follows her. 
Why, Mary dear! 

[Notices baby. 
What's that you got in your arms? 
A baby! 

Mary. Yes, ma. A woman brought 
it, 

Susanna. A woman! What woman? 

Mary. 1 don't know. 

Susanna. Who is she? 

Mary. I don't know. 

Susanna. Where is the woman? 

Mary. She went to find her pocket- 
book. 

Susauna. When will she be back? 

Mary. I don't know. 
[Mary begins to cry. John drops 



24 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 

valises. Tom hangs aroundy near. 

Susanna, iMary, are you trying to 
deceive your mother? 

Mary. I am not trying to deceive 
aoybody. 

Susanna. John, look, that's a baby. 

John. So 1 perceive. Whose is it? 

Susanna. Mary says, she doesn't 
know. 

John. What's she doing with it? 

Susanna, {Solemnly.) John, I fear 
the worst. 

John. Mary, dearj, I'm your good, 
kind, old, father — Whose baby is that? 

Mary. Oh, papal I am so worried. 

[Cries. 

John. It isn't yours, daughter, is it? 

Mary. Mine I Mine! 

Tom. {Advancing.) It*8 mine. 

John. Yours! 

Tom. Yes — mine. 

John. Susanna, he says, it is his. 

Susanna. His!!! 

John. Yes, he's the father of it. 

Susanna. {To Tom.) Where ie the 
mother? 

Tom. The mother? 

Susanna. Yes, your wife? 

Tom. The fact is this, old lady; I am 
from the range up country — 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 25 



Susftnna. I don't care where you 
come from. I want to know where the 
mother of that child is. 

{^Tom takes off hat and scratches 
head, 
Tom. The mother~er — yes — why — er 
— why — why 

{Points to Mary. 
She's the mother, 
Mary. Me-e-e! 

Tom. {Aside to Mary.) Stand pat, 
or you're a goner. 

\^Aloud, pointing to Mary. 
Yes, she's the mother. 
Susanna. And you are the father? 

[Tom noda assent. 
Then you are my daughter's husband. 
Tom. I guess, J am for the present. 
Susanna. Mary, how could you 
deceive your mother so! I wonder the 
conservatory didn't write about it. 
John, this is our son-in-law. 
John. Well, I declare! 
Susanna. You dear son! 

[Throws ai'ms about Tom. 
Mary. Mother! 
Susanna. Don't, be jealous, Mary. 

[Hugs and kisses Tom. 
Tom. I'm sure glad to know you, 
mother. 



26 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



[Hugs her. 
Susanna. My dear 8on! 

[Hags Tom. 
John. My sou, let your fdther shake 
your hand. 

Tom. (Shaking John's hand.) Glad 
to meet you, dad. 

{Mu7^y looks on dumfounded. 
John. {Rushing to Mary.) Mary,^let 
your old father hold his little grand- 
child. 

[Takes baby out of Mary's arms. 
Susanna. What a little dear! 
John. It looks like you, mother. 
Susanna. Does it, John! What ie it, 
Mary, a boy or a girl? 
Mary. I don't know, 
[Staggers to scat, R. and drops into 
it. 
Tom. This is my train. I'il have to 
leave. 

Susanna. Leave! Why, you can't 
leave Mary and the biby. 

Tom. I <,^on't want to, but I've got lo. 
I have two train loads of oaltle waiting 
for me in Omaha. I'll have to get there, 
and look after them. Then, I've got to 
go to Chicago and settle up a whole lot 
of business there. I'll not be back for 
four months. 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 27 

Voice. {Outside, rear.) All aboard! 

Tom. {Going.) Take good care of 
the baby. 

Susanna. {Seizing Towi's arm.) You 
shan't go to-day. 

Tom. I must. 

Susanna Not to-day. 

Tom. See here, mother, those cattle 
mudL be sold, and — 

Susanna. Never mind your cattle. 
They'll keep for a few hours. I want to 
get acquainted with my new son. 

Tom. Can't— must go — let go, old girl ! 

Susanna. {Clinging to him.) M> dear 
son, your mother must talk with you. 

Tom. When I come back, hei me 
go! — I'll lose my train. 

[Breaks from her. 

Susanna. Ain'r. you going to kiss 
Mary? 

Tom. I've only three seconds, or I 
would. 

Susanna. You must kiss the baby. 

[Seizes Tom by arm. 

Tom. {Struggling with her.) Let 
go! Let me go! My train — 

\Toot of whistle; ringing of hell, 
and escape of steam outside, rear 
There it goes now. 

[Breaks from Susanna and rushes 



23 THE COWBOY AN£) THE BABY. 



out at double door in flat, L, 
followed by SuHaiina. Sound of 
moving train outside, rear. 

Jobn. {Fondling baby.) I don't see^ 
why you didn't write, Mary. 

Mary. Write! 1 wrote every week. 

John. Bui. you didn't eay anythinj? 
about your marriage. 

Mary. My marriage! 

John, Well, I forgive you. You seem 
to have a tine husband. 

Mary. I am noL in rimed. 

John. N,ot married! 

Mary. I have no husband. 

John. No, husband! le^n't that young 
cattleman your husband? 

Mary. No,— no! I saw him for the 
first time just before you came. 

John. Do >ou mean to tell me- - 

Mary. I don't moan to tell you any- 
thing. / am going crazy! If that woman 
doesn't come right away, I shall g© 
stark, staring, mad. 

Enter Susanna at double door 
in flat dragging Tom by hand. 

Tom. (Aside.) I lost my train. I 
guess, I've branded the wrong calf. 

Susanna. Mama's got her big, new» 
boy for to-day. 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 29 



Tom, (Aside.) Mfima is an old daisy, 
with hugci in her bud. 

John. Mother, Mary says, she is not 
married. 

Susanna. Not married! {To Torn.) 
You wretched man, did you (?are to 
betray my little daughter! 

[Starts for Tom. 
l'!l Ecratch your eyes out! 

John. Hold on, mother; Mary says, 
she never saw that young man until just 
before we came in on the train. 

Susanna. (To Tom.) Are you not 
the father of that child? 

1'om. No- -not me. 

Susanna. Mary, are you not the 
mother of that "-hild? 

Mary. Heavens, no! 

Susanna. This is horrible! Am I in 
ra> right mind! 

John. It's hard to tell, Susanna. 

Tom. (Afiide.) There'll be a stampede 
here, in a moment. 

Susanna. Mary, deceive your mother 
no longer. Whose child is that? 
Enter Woman, L. She rushes 
up to John and snatches baby 
from him. 

Woman. Give me my baby! 

Joho, Your baby! Fowr baby! 



30 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



Woman, Yes, my baby. 

[Maru jumps up . 

Mary. The woman has come at last! 

Woman. {To Mary.) Ob! young Miss» 
I thank you so much. I am so sorry, 
1 kept you waiting so long. I tinally 
found my pocket-book. It was in the 
store, between the end of the counter 
and some boxes. I've lost the train, so 
I can't go to-day- I thank you, Miss, 
ever so much. Give me the bottle. 

[Mary gives her bbttle, and woman 
hurries off left with baby. 

Mary. I am going to faint. 

ITom catches her in his arms. 

Tom. The girl was right after all. 

Mary. There, I'm better. 

[Steps from Tom- 

Susanna. What a terrible mistake! 

John.' Have I got any sense at all? 

Susanna. I don't think you have. 
Young man, are you married? 

Tom. No, never was. 

Susanna. Why did you say, you were 
the father of that child? 

Tom. Something had to be done to 
prevent a rumpus. Your daughter was 
caught with the goods. You made a 
squeal, and I came to ihe rescue. 

Susanna. To think, I hugged and 



THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 31 



kissed you! 

Tom. Oh, that's all right. 

Susanna. I blush to think of it. 

John. You are always too fast* 
Susanna. 

Susanna. John Watson! 

Tom. I tried to help the girl out the 
best I knew how. If I naade a mix-up of 
it, it's my mistake and my treat. 

Mary. [To Tom) 1 do not know vvlial 
I would have done, if it had not been for 
you. I was dreadfully frighten»^d and 
confused. 

Tom. I'm mighty glad to know you 
folks. And, little girl, if you've no 
objections, I'd like to get better 
acquainted with you. 

Mary. {Dropping head.) Thank you. 

John. The whole affair is most 
laughable. You're kind effort to shield 
my daughter, bespeaks your manhood. 
Here is my hand 

[They shake hands, 
What's your name? 

Tom. Tom Jones I'm foreman of 
the lazy S ranch up in Moorana. 

Sufeanna, Here's my hand, Mr. Jones. 
[Tom takes her hand. 
It. was dreadful, wasn't it? 

Tom. The worst I ever saw. • 



32 THE COWBOY AND THE BABY. 



Mary. {To Tom, sweetly.) You will 
visit with u-s the rest of rbe day, won't 
you? 

Tom. I may as well. Seems like I'd 
always known you people. 

John. Yuu'ro a gentlemin, lhat'8 
certain! 

[Shakes Tom's hand 
Como along, mother! 

[PicJcs up valise:*- 
Come, Mary! Come, Mr. Jones! 

[Exeunt John and Susanna, L. 
Mary. Wo met under strange circum- 
stances. 
Tom. I'm mighty glad, I met you! 
Mary. It was horrible, wasn't it? 
Tom. Matters got to milling pritty 
badly. But (his affair has taught me 
oDe lesson. 

Mary. And what is that, pray? 
Tom. The eternal tendency of tht) 
people to believe the scandalous. Say, 
Miss. Mary, what shall we call this little 
affair of ours? 

Mary. The cowboy and ihe baby. 
Tom. Good! 

Mary. Come, mother and father are 
waiting. 

[They hurry towards, L. 

* QUICK CURTAXN . 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 102 617 7 

rSB 2 1912 



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